Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long, climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, 'n punched a couple 'uh holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into Church
I's a'sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that sump'n was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All", the squirrel ran up Harv Newman's coveralls 'n
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "sumpn's got a hold on me", Yeow!

Chorus
      The day the squirrel went berserk
      In the First Self-Righteous Church
      In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
      It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
      They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had religion others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weed eater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room
All the way down to the amen pew where sat Sister Bertha better-than-you

Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee
But shoot, you should'a seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters 'an crossed her thighs 'an
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins
that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissension,
but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then
      she started naming names!

Chorus
      The day the squirrel went berserk
      In the First Self-Righteous Church
      In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
      It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
      They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved, 'an
Twenty-five thousand dollars got raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot
And even without an invitation there were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got re-baptized whether we needed it or not
Now you've heard the Bible story I guess
How He parted the waters for Moses to pass
Oh the miracles God hath wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that Church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel

Chorus
      The day the squirrel went berserk
      In the First Self-Righteous Church
      In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
      It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
      They wuz' jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!