Smokey Mountain Rattlesnake Retreat

Well me 'n Doris went on vacation,
We decided we needed more than recreation;
So we enrolled in a Bible Camp Retreat.
I got the directions and we took off;
It only took six hours to get completely lost,
Way back up in the mountains of East Tennessee.
Well it was gettin' real dark an' I was startin' to fret.
An' Doris said, "Look yonder, bet that's it."
An' she pointed to the lights to this little church way back in the brush.

An old man met us, I said, "Just two."
He escorted us down to the very first pew.
An' I said, "Doris, I don't think this is the right place."
She just said, "Hush!"

Well they preached some sermons an' sang some songs,
Then they preached some more an' went on and on.
Nearly wore me out; I'd had about all I could take.

And Then they pulled down the shades;
And things quieted down.
This guy next to me punched me,
Said, "Here past this down."
I turned and looked, and Son of a Gun!!
He handed me a snake!

Oh, the night that me and Doris went runnin' through the forest;
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee.

Yea we started making tracks when they broke out th' diamond-backs.
It scared the Devil outta pore ol' Doris 'n me.

He said. "Take this man, don't you believe?"
I said, "I believe all right! I believe I'll leave!".
And I reached for Doris, but she'd done fainted away, white as a sheet.
Now I couldn't pick her up,
And I couldn't find the door
And them rattlers wuz crawling all 'round the floor!

And friends, that's when the Spirit hit my feet!
I started runnin' down the aisles and bouncin' off walls
Like somebody teed off a new golf ball in a tiled bathroom.
Friends, I mean I was moving on.
I'd run past Doris every minute or two,
Tryin' to shake her to wake her, but it wouldn't no use.
For a while there I thought the Lord had called the pore thing home.

Then somebody dropped a big'un in her lap!
And Doris come to and somethin' in her snapped.
She grabbed that thing by the tail and commenced to swingin' it around her head.
She gave it a crack like Lash LaRue;
His head come off and sailed across the room.
Then she did a tap dance on the rest o' them suckers til they'uz all dead!
Well, I grabbed her by the hand and we headed for the car;
And she hollered to the preacher,

"I don't know who you are, or where you came from,
Or how you ever learned how to preach.
But let me tell you somethin'
You old raggedy scamp, you don't know nothin'
"Bout running no Bible Camp,
And me and my husband are on our way to Daytona Beach!"

Oh, the night that me and Doris went runnin' through the forest;
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee.

Yea we started making tracks when they broke out th' diamond-backs.
It scared the Devil outta pore ol' Doris 'n me.

Oh, the night that me and Doris went runnin' through the forest;
Way back up in the hills of Tennessee.

Yea we started making tracks when they broke out th' diamond-backs.
It scared the Devil outta pore ol' Doris 'n me.

                               
Published by Ray Stevens Music
1707 Grand Avenue
Nashville, TN 37212
Recorded by: Ray Stevens
Albums: Surely You Joust/1986
Everything Is Beautiful/1992

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This page is dedicated to [and created especially for] a dear friend.  ...and YES, her name is Doris !
(And her Daddy lives Way back up in the mountains of East Tennessee, too!)