It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that the traditional
astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of 'em.
When I am out driving around I see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose
I might even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't
see much of 'em. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see
crabs on vacation; there are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no
dat-blame water bearers anywhere. Virgins? The neighborhood ain't 'x-ackly
crawlin' with them neither. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need
things we can recognize up there in that night sky.
Aquarius, January 20 to February 19. The Water Bearer.
Pisces, February 20 to March 20. The Fish.
Aries, March 21 to April 19/20. The Ram.
Taurus, April 20 to May 20. The Bull.
Gemini, May 21 to June 20. The Twins.
Cancer, June 21 to July 22. The Crab.
Leo, July 23 to August 22. The Lion.
Virgo, August 23 to September 22. The Virgin.
Libra, September 23 to October 22. The Balance.
Scorpio, October 23/24 to November 22. The Scorpion.
Sagittarius, November 23. to December 21. The Archer.
Capricorn, December 22 to January 19. The Goat.
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Aquarius, January 20 to February 19. The Water Bearer.
CHITLIN
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess.
Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
Aquarius has a unconventional, humanitarian nature, a drive towards a detached, if original pursuit of truth, and a conscious aim involved with the expression of useful knowledge.
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Pisces, February 20 to March 20. The Fish.
BOLL WEEVIL
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
Pisces has an imaginative, highly emotional nature, a drive towards the sympathetic understanding of others, and a conscious aim involved with the search for emotional balance.
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Aries, March 21 to April 19/20. The Ram.
MOON PIE
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
Aries has an assertive nature, a drive towards individuality, and the conscious aim of establishing energetic leadership.
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Taurus, April 20 to May 20. The Bull.
POSSUM
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.
Taurus has a conservative, rather fixed nature, a drive towards possessiveness, and a conscious aim involved with the realization of material security.
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Gemini, May 21 to June 20. The Twins.
CRAWFISH
If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
Gemini has a quick, changeable nature, a drive towards a versatile development of self-awareness, and a conscious aim involved with establishing intellectual communication with others.
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Cancer, June 21 to July 22. The Crab.
COLLARDS
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
Moon Children have a retiring moody nature, a drive towards establishing romantic attachments, and a conscious aim involved with the sensitive unfolding of a rich emotional life.
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Leo, July 23 to August 22. The Lion.
CATFISH
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
Leo has an exuberant and proud nature, a drive towards vivifying experiences or creativity, and a conscious aim involved with dignified self-expression.
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Virgo, August 23 to September 22. The Virgin.
GRITS
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
Virgo has a conscientious practical nature, a drive towards thoroughness, in service and a conscious aim involved with establishing just principles of order.
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Libra, September 23 to October 22. The Balance.
BOILED PEANUTS
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
Libra has a gentle, discriminative nature, a drive towards the enjoyment of harmony, and a conscious aim involved with establishing stability and beauty in the environment.
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Scorpio, October 23/24 to November 22. The Scorpion.
BUTTER BEAN
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
Scorpio has an intense, strong-willed nature, a drive towards regeneration, and an aim involved with the exercise of power, usually over others.
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Sagittarius, November 23. to December 21. The Archer.
ARMADILLO
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today.You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You robably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
Sagittarius has a dignified, restless nature, a drive towards the exploration of ideas, and a conscious aim involved with the attainment of wisdom through experience.
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Capricorn, December 22 to January 19. The Goat.
OKRA
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
Capricorn has a cautious though ambitious nature, a drive towards the practical expression of duty, and a conscious aim involved with being useful and dependable.
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| Dates |
Name |
Element |
Symbol |
Gemstones |
Planet |
| 1 |
Mar 21-Apr 19 |
Aries |
Fire |
Ram |
Garnet, Diamond, Sapphire. |
Mars |
| 2 |
Apr 20-May 20 |
Taurus |
Earth |
Bull |
Emerald, Jade, Lapis |
Venus |
| 3 |
May 21-Jun 21 |
Gemini |
Air |
Twins |
Pearl, Agate, Alexandrite |
Mercury |
| 4 |
Jun 22-Jul 22 |
Cancer |
Water |
Crab |
Ruby, Moonstone, Sapphire, |
Moon |
| 5 |
Jul 23-Aug 22 |
Leo |
Fire |
Lion |
Diamond, Topaz, Peridot. |
Sun |
| 6 |
Aug 23-Sep 22 |
Virgo |
Earth |
Virgin |
Agate, Adventurine, Sapphire |
Mercury |
| 7 |
Sep 23-Oct 22 |
Libra |
Air |
Scales |
Lazuli,Turquoise, Opal |
Venus |
| 8 |
Oct 23-Nov 21 | Scorpio |
Water |
Scorpion |
Quartz, Topaz, Yellow Sapphire |
Mars/Pluto |
| 9 |
Nov 22-Dec 21 |
Saggitarius |
Fire |
Centaur |
Amethyst, Sugarlite, Zircon. |
Jupiter |
| 10 |
Dec 22-Jan 19 |
Capricorn |
Earth |
Mer-Goat |
Onyx, Apache Tear, Garnet |
Saturn |
| 11 |
Jan 20-Feb 18 |
Aquarius |
Air |
Water Carrier |
Amethyst, Aquamarine, Jet |
Uranus |
| 12 |
Feb 19-Mar 20 |
Pisces |
Water |
Fish |
Amethyst,Sugarlite,Aquamarine |
Jupiter
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This page is dedicated to Paul Savage (aka "Rosemary's Baby").
A dear friend who contributed the "Southern Zodiac" text.
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